Book Preview: Managing and Coping with Anger in Personal Relationships
Anger is energy
We feel it and it makes us want to do "something!" Hit someone, break something, throw a fit, smash a fist into the wall or sometimes into another person! Uncontrolled and mismanaged anger is the number one cause of divorce and all estrangements! The problem most people are having in their personal relationships is anger. Actually, the problem is not anger per se, the problem is the "mismanagement" of anger. Conflict in our personal relationships is inevitable. There is bound to be conflict from time to time simply because we are each so unique in terms of our background and the values (baggage) we bring with us into our relationships. These differences are bound to lead to occasional or even sometimes frequent conflicts and disputes. When we do not know how to handle the anger of these conflicts appropriately, we will mismanage them every single time. Eventually, the accumulated disgust from our failed attempt to "resolve" our conflicts ultimately leads to the deterioration and end of our relationships.
The process of anger management
The process begins with investigating the nature of your OWN anger. Your "anger" is a part of your Own psycho-biography! It says something about YOU and you must find out what there is about you that makes you "vulnerable" to that which" triggers" your anger attacks in ht e first place. Especially those anger reactions which are way out of proportion to the reality of the situation. Someone's failure to remember your birthday is not grounds for a divorce! You are way angrier than the situation ( in reality) require and therefore, you must investigate and find out why your reaction is so drastic. One of the most common cause of "over-reactive" anger (rage) is the result of suppressed anger from the past! Most people have a pattern of "suppressing" their anger until the pressures, tensions and stress become intolerable. At this point, they usually "erupt" like a volcano! They find themselves doing and saying things they don't want to do. Stuff they know they'll regret in the morning. But they do it anyway. They don't know how not to over-react! They don't know where the button to turn their anger down or off is "emotionally" located. Fortunately for them, we do. Angermgmt.Com online and the books, CD's and phone counseling we make available helps these type of individuals stop "pretending" they don't get angry and help them find appropriate means of handling their anger before it builds into a rage. We relieve their frustration by giving them a more constructive way of getting the painful pressure caused by anger out of their system. Our Angermgmt.Com products and services helps them learn proven and effective techniques to manage their anger at others "appropriately". Those on the receiving end of our mismanaged anger are also in pain. Therefore, our anger management products and services will also teach individuals how to handle their angry and "aggressive" partners in ways that make the situation better, not worse. They learn how to stop defending their innocence or lack of fault which is not the issue. The "real" issue is the pain of their partner's out-of-control anger and rage and how to diffuse it! It is destroying them both. The partner learns how to relieve their loved one's pain and agony the right way. Their partner's rage passes sooner and the relationship has passed a crisis. It becomes stronger than it was before. With practice, over time, their partner's anger attacks become less and less frequent or intense. Your partner is validated and provided with relief from their frustrations and anger. Relief they have never been provided with before!
When BOTH partners have learned these new therapeutic ways in expressing and handling each others anger and frustration, they are able to act in behalf of their own relationship. They have stopped over-reacting to each other's provocation in the relationship. They are able to transform an anger situation between them into the liberation of themselves from feeling victimized, out of control, powerless, and unappreciated. Instead, they begin to experience confidence, maturity, equality, belonging, trust and a deep sense of peace. Using some of the proven techniques from our books and CD's on anger management, they become able to replace their feelings of bitterness and hatred with feelings of love and mutual respect. Their behavior towards each other becomes more constructive, supportive and their relationship becomes more gratifying. They have learned from the anger management materials how to replace their discouragement with encouragement. They have earned the right to feel respected and to be respected in their relationship. They are no longer "marking time" until they are able to get a divorce. They are living in the present and things begin to fall into place.
The above paragraphs appear in the book Managing and Coping with Anger in Personal Relationships.
Want to learn more about managing the anger in personal relationships? Select the link below.